i think i’m depressed.
for weeks, i’ve felt like the universe’s pincushion. maybe it’s a loser’s mentality, or maybe i’m just tired of being in the place i’m in. i’m almost 30. that’s huge. when i was a teen, i didn’t want to live past 40. i had a mid-life crisis at 20 because i didn’t conquer anything.
i’m still in that same sort of place. the kind of place where you think, hey, i thought things would be different. i thought i’d be somebody i’d be proud of.
this saturday is huge for me. it’s an interview for a copywriter/editor position with motorola. pay isn’t that great, but it would look great on my resume. i’m sure, if they gave me the job, that i’d wow them. i’m good at what i do. i really think so.
i want to move out. i want to be able to pay for my own things. i want my mom to stop giving me $20 every time i leave the house. i don’t ask for it. when she sees me dressed and ready to go, she grabs a bill out of her purse and meets me by the door. for the past few weeks, i haven’t really spoken to her. i don’t know how to reach her — to tell her, Mom, can you stop telling me what to do all the time?
“you should work for city hall. your aunt wants to introduce you to a nice girl. you should be more active. you should eat more. you should go visit your friends. you should sleep less. you should come home early. you should eat well.”
i know she means well, but i’ve been meaning to get this job and leave without a word. i want to disappear. for the first time in years, i feel like i can’t depend on anyone.
so, yeah, i think i’m depressed. it’s funny how feelings will dictate how my day will go. i wish i was stronger. i wish i was better. when i’m older, i’ll look back, and i’ll wish i could kick my own ass.
roland emmerich is afraid of fatwa(link)
i’m not into religion bashing. just not my thing. what people choose to believe in is their choice. i’m a practicing christian (who, admittedly, fails at it a lot), so i understand the need to believe in someone/something. i also understand people who get a little testy when others bring religion up, especially in cases of people pushing the issue when it’s not warranted — i once picked a fight with two unsolicited mormons who came by the house and told me jesus was wrong.
what?
so, when a coworker asked me to sing imagine by john lennon with her at a karaoke joint, i declined. i didn’t want to imagine a world where my God didn’t exist. sorry, no thanks. and i didn’t want to imagine a world without faith, hope, or beliefs because someone felt offended by some joker with a few screws loose who decides to wage a war in some god’s name. faith, along with hope and love, is a human right. let’s imagine people didn’t love. then, we wouldn’t have people like that astronaut(link) who took a 900-mile road trip wearing a diaper to kidnap her lover’s other lover.
we should ban love. it hurts people too.
there has been a tremendous backlash against religion. when i say religion, i mean christianity. nobody says buddha’s name in vain. that’s not a swastika on bad religion’s cross buster t-shirt. when yoko ono ripped pages out of a religious book, it wasn’t the koran. (she did apologize somewhat by saying she was spreading the message of God, but a part of me thinks she’s being sarcastic.)
and when the movie 2012 comes out, you’ll get to see the vatican roll on top of believers, and you’ll also see the christ the redeemer statue disintegrate because roland emmerich of independence day, godzilla, and the day after tomorrow fame is against organized religion. he is, however, afraid of fatwas which means he won’t be killing a bunch of muslims in some sort of ironic twist in his newest movie.
i see a lot of ironies in this. emmerich is taking advantage of a situation where people of a specific religion (christianity), who are for the most part peaceful, won’t do more than protest him for being hateful towards their beliefs. after all is said and done, emmerich might get a few calls and rude emails from some concerned christians, but he won’t, however, tempt the muslim religious leaders into ordering his death via fatwa. nope. emmerich and his writer didn’t want to offend any muslim leaders who couldn’t see a fictional movie for what it really is. i am in agreement that no one should die because of a movie, and i’m not going to call emmerich a coward for not wanting to offend muslims. i will call call him a coward for offending everyone else who believes in something. we are all entitled to our own opinions, and we are free under the first amendment to express them. we’re also free to hold others accountable when they use those rights for selfish gain.
probably the most ironic thing about this is that the same amendment that gives emmerich the right to offend my faith gave me the right to have faith.
some sponsors give their sports stars a pair of shoes. maybe, a car. red bull went further. it carved a half-pipe into the side of a mountain so shaun white could practice for the olympics. that’s like nike building a basketball court in the middle of chicago for michael jordan or yonex building a tennis court in the outback for lleyton hewitt.
imagine having access to your own snowboarding facilities. a guy waits for you at the bottom with a snowmobile that will speed you up to wherever you want to go. instead of a mountain full of people, you’ll be alone with a few staffers who are paid not to laugh at you when you fall down and windmill back to base.
even if i became a movie director, what kinds of benefits will i get? will someone build me a movie theatre or a director’s chair that keeps me filled with dr. pepper? thing i’m wondering, will anyone think this is unfair? granted, many athletes get their own training facilities, but this is above and beyond what mere mortals can hope for. some olympic athletes train with dollars scraped together for just the hope of getting an endorsement that will make sure they’re taken care of. shaun white’s a pioneer in snow sports, and he’s definitely looking to keep it that way.
